May. 26th, 2015

I just locked most of my F1 fix to private (you put it in a closed collection and no one can see it) and I feel SO much better. I'll have a think about what to do about the rest. But I don't feel like I can engage with fandom on my own terms if my fic is accessible / more people are turning up in my inbox demanding drabbles like entitled cuckoos. So I locked it down entirely for the moment while I think things through. A few fics are up there as they were gifts, but I might get the person to take a copy and then lock them as well. RELIEF.



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Tumblr regrets

So one of the more frustrating things about Tumblr is that you have to be following someone to have anything approaching a conversation with them. And once you're in a mutual-follow state, it's very difficult to untangle.

A few months ago I committed to going to a series of motorsport events with someone from the F1 fandom on tumblr. It wasn't anything special, just a way to keep down costs by sharing a hotel room. Unfortunately, upon meeting her at WEC it quickly became apparent that I'd made a terrible, terrible mistake. She was childish, petulant, ill-prepared and - as it turned out - incredibly rude. She threw a strop when the computer at the hotel check-out didn't work as quickly as she would have liked. She hadn't brought any money with her so stood there with arms folded saying "no it's fine, I don't need to drink anything" until I relented and bought her teas all weekend. She hadn't brought waterproof clothes so I had to dress her in mine - literally, as she stood there with arms out for me to put the waterproof jacket on her.

By the end of the weekend, I felt as though I'd been stuck babysitting a particularly ill-mannered teenager. Which of course she was, but I had been expecting an 18 year old, not the stroppy child who turned up.

Well, I reasoned, maybe I was just short on sleep or something. Or maybe she was. Either way, maybe, maybe...

The thing is, she'd already made some deeply sketchy comments before we'd met up, I forget about what but enough for her to text me an apology beforehand. And now, now, she's decided to throw her support behind a guy who has done literally nothing in F1 except... use the n-word. That's right. In between, she randomly posts how much she hates Lewis Hamilton (who is my personal favourite) and adds in deeply sketchy comments whilst doing so. Several poeople have called her out on these comments and she's always said she's not being racist because she hates him for many reasons, not the colour of his skin. But why does she hate him? Hmmm, what has she said:
1) she hates his hair and how curly it is
2) she hates his style and how 'American music' it is
3) she hates how successful he is
4) how arrogant he is
5) she hates that he is the face of British F1
6) and she wants to 'reclaim' the use of the n-word

And I'm sitting here going - so you basically hate the fact that a black man is successful and you want to use the n-word, you know what, I'm not saying everyone who dislikes Lewis is racist, I'm saying YOU are racist. YOU specifically.

So now what do I do. This person is due to turn up and stay at MY HOUSE in less than a month's time. I want to tell her to go fuck herself but I'm worried this will cause trouble for 1 other person who is staying with me (because they're at least on speaking terms). On the other hand, I don't want this trash in my house. And I don't want to share a room with her for F1 either.

At what point is it acceptable for me to put my foot down and say nope, I don't care, find someone else to stay with?

Anyway I've put tumblr on hiatus for the time being because the level of screaming drama on there pisses me off. There is a not-small of full-on white pride racists - images of death masks, the full deal - who basically monitor the LH tag and post hate. You can block them to some extent but it's hard to make them disappear entirely. So instead many of the sane people I follow have been quietly falling into hiatus indefinitely because the place has become full of screaming racist trash and seriously, who has time for that?

Anyway, learn from my mistakes. Meet people before you agree to do them favours.



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Apr. 1st, 2015

Trying to be better about posting here rather than just getting very excited about the new comm we launched ( [community profile] retrof1, in case people are that way inclined).

So today is when the realisation hit of just how much work I still have to do, despite the huge, huge effort of the last few weeks. It feels completely insurmountable. Also not helped by people buggering off at 4.30pm on the dot, which makes me feel like an idiot for working well past 10pm most evenings trying tog et stuff done. I just - I fly back from Iraq tomorrow evening, and there is still so much to do, and I asked people to work a little later this evening and it was like I'd demanded a kidney. I'm really not impressed. Come on, people - I'm here to help, but not to do your jobs for you.

Anyway, I suppose it's out of my hands. I'm doing the best I can, and the best I can manage is... well, it's not ideal, at any rate. But it's better than nothing, anyway.

Meanwhile, I've been reading the New Who adventures and feeling very meh about the ones I've read thus far. I'm currently halfway through Transit by Ben Aaaronovich and feeling v uninterested in it. My desire to quit is mitigated by the fact that it's either that, or Foucault's Pendulum, and I don't have enough brain space left for Eco at the moment.

I think I'm going to treat myself to a stay in the airport lounge on my flight back. Six hours in Amman, and on no sleep - should be another fun flight. :/



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Still alive

I haven't posted on this for ages. I feel like I've sort of left DW/LJ for tumblr, but tumblr is so exhausting a lot of the time. And I've started being online via laptop rather than tablet/phone a lot more, which makes it easier to use DW/LJ, so let's see how long this lasts, anyway.

At the moment, I'm in Iraq. I've been travelling for work since the beginning of December last year, and I am very very tired. I was in Ethiopia, Kenya, South Sudan, Rwanda and am now spending my March mostly in Iraq. I get to come home for Easter, though, and I am SO ready for that. I think it's one thing to be for travel in principle, and to enjoy it to a certain degree, but the last few months have been exhausting. I've had several security incidents - including explosions in the middle of the night in South Sudan, armed men entering my car in Kenya, and a battle 25miles down the road last week in Iraq - and it leaves you quite jumpy.

I was talking to friends of mine about how I was failing to sleep in the interim. And that's sort of true. I'm picky and sickly at the best of times, and the security situation, almost constant food poisoning and high work stress has left me wrung out.

So anyway, I finish at Easter, and then I come home for a few weeks. And then I start a new job. It's much more senior than anything I've ever done before, and I am properly gulping in trepidation over it. That's also partly why I want to come back to DW/LJ - where I have a calmer connection, I think, with fandom than I do with tumblr. Tumblr and twitter and Skype have kept me sane the last few months, but I feel like I'm constantly shouting and being angry, and I need some sort of outlet that allows for slightly more complex and rounded thought.

Anyway, fandom-wise, it's mostly been F1, with a side-helping of Top Gear. You can basically see where this is going. Yes, a lot of fandom-related tears since October onwards. In fact, from before, probably. I've started writing again, which is new and exciting - I've been writing more or less every day in fact. I really don't think I'll be continuing at that pace once I've started my new job, so... we'll see. I'm enjoying this burst of limited creativity for however long it lasts.



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Year in (Fic) Review: 2014

So 2014 turned out to be the year that I switched to tumblr, almost entirely abandoning DW/LJ, seriously got into the F1 fandom, and started writing again. Boy, did I start writing again. I wrote 76,857 words across a variety of fandoms, primarily F1 and Top Gear, but with a few others thrown in. So here is the overview:

TOP GEARCollapse )

FORMULA 1:

- Nico/LewisCollapse )


- Sebastian/KimiCollapse )

- Jenson/KevinCollapse )

- OtherCollapse )


OTHER FANDOMSCollapse )



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Merry Christmas!

 I hope everyone is having a fantastic holiday season. This year, I participated in several fic exchanges which means I got awesome gifts to open before/during Christmas day and if you haven't read them yet, you totally should.

For [community profile] yuletide , I got the absolutely amazing you and i are a collection of unfortunate events, which is a Rush fic and so wonderful it took my breath away. It gives the James perspective on the Niki crash, and it does it with such delicacy of touch and neatness of phrase that it left me grinning like a loon. James's inability to work out what exactly his feelings are - other than he has plenty of them - also rung true for me, as did Marlene finally sighing and kicking Niki into sorting it. This fic is wonderful and you should all check it out!

For f1secretsanta I got The burden of things unsaid, which is a wonderful Sebastian/Mark fic. Seb/Mark is my guilty pleasure and this fic so wonderfully captures the contrariness of Seb's feelings for Mark. The Valencia crash made me think, but how could Seb NOT run to check he's ok?? And that is exactly what he does - however you feel about someone, when you see something like that, you check they're ok. And Sebastian in this fic is so mixed up and confused about his own feelings for Mark that he can't do much to stop them bubbling to the surface. 

For topgearslash secret santa I got Night Manoeuvres, which is James/Jeremy h/c and nailed all my kinks. James having nightmares? Check. Jeremy awkwardly caring & trying to help? Check. Awkward first kisses? Check. NNnngggggg bulletproof kinks, I am not kidding. This is so perfectly in character and so deftly done I defy anyone to not fall in love with it. 

Secret authors, one and all - thank you! You have made my Christmas reading a joyous affair indeed! <333

(For anyone wondering where I've got to, btw, I'm now mostly active on tumblr under the same user name, and squeeing over Top Gear and F1 for the most part, so come say hello there!)

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Dear Yuletide Santa

Dear wonderful Yuletide writer,

Thank you so much for writing for me! Yuletide is one of my favourite times of year and I always look forward to seeing what Yuletide Santa has left me under the tree. This year, my requests are all thematically grouped, so I hope that if one doesn't suit the others are more accessible! Rest assured that I will adore whatever you come up with, because there is so little fiction for ANY of the things I requested that the mere existence of more fic will make me incredibly happy.

My tastes have been pretty consistent over the years, and you can see my prior year Yuletide author letters tagged under 'yuletide'. Here are some quick points on what I like and what squicks me, both general and fandom specific. 


General thoughts:

1) I love the relationships between strong, interesting people (or weak, interesting ones!), especially if it wouldn't be something that would occur to them at first glance, whether canonical or not. My requests this year are mostly focused on antagonists, but what I tend to find interesting about them is how they can be moved beyond that point of friction - or how that friction can coexist even as the understanding between them grows. I love gen just as much as slash!

2) I love character studies and long, thoughful looks at a character's motivation, which is probably reflected in what characters I find interesting. I like characters that aren't generally liked in the world they are in, or the people around them; ones that suffer and survive and show strength of character. I love hurt/comfort as a trope, especially if the one offering comfort is reluctant, or not on the best of terms with those they are trying to comfort. I love best friends sticking together. I love a united front in the face of adversity. 

3) I don't really hate any characters in the fandoms I have requested, so please no character bashing. This is especially the case in opting for slash couples - I may love characters A and B and slash them, but I wouldn't want to see character bashing of A's wife or husband as part of that. 

4) My squicks are fairly standard. Sex-based squicks are graphic sexual violence, underage, watersports, scat, humiliation, extreme or ritualised BDSM (including where fics are set in BDSM universes). I'm also not a fan of alpha/beta/omega, amnesia fics, baby fics, AUs (e.g. high school settings or similar), meta tropes or otherwise breaking the fourth wall. 

5) Things I love in fiction in general: long, glorious world-building; characters that have UST and spark off each other; hurt/comfort, first times in shippy fic, great feeling in a world that doesn't permit it, character studies (especially of female characters), clever dialogue, vivid storytelling and a sense of peril. I love them, and therefore want them to suffer, of course.

Fandom-specific:

Formula 1 (Classic) RPF
Ayrton Senna, Alain Prost, 

My feelings, let me show you them! I am absolutely heartbroken that, just as Alain and Ayrton were finally moving beyond their history as antagonists, Imola happened. Who knows what their relationship could have become if Ayrton hadn't died so tragically young? And of course, I love the aggression just as much as the sweetness in Ayrton, and how he can be sometimes so careless of others and at other times so solicitous. He was aggressive to the point of arguably causing accidents, but was the first on the scene if one of the drivers was hurt. So... I wonder what would have happened if, in one of their earlier clashes, an accident DID happen, and Alain WAS injured. (Nothing permanent, but serious.) How would Ayrton have approached that? What would have happened to their relationship? How would things have turned out?

Alternatively, I wonder what happened during those months where Alain was retired - and therefore no longer a threat - and Ayrton would phone him constantly and beg him to come back. How did that even work? What did Alain think? What did Ayrton think? Did they ever discuss it in person? 

It's all so tragic, so if you can give them a crumb of comfort, it would make me incredibly happy.

Formula 1 (Modern) RPF
Kimi Raikkonen, Fernando Alonso

Ack, these two! Let me hug them to my bosom. I have some weird feelings about their relationship. I like how they're both top dogs, and how they respect each other as drivers. And I like how Fernando DOESN'T like Sebastian Vettel, who is not only Kimi's close friend, but also likely his replacement at Ferrari. I like them fighting, I like them working as a team, I like Fernando being weirdly possessive over Kimi re: Sebastian, I like Kimi kicking arse in 2015 and Fernando being able to approach him as a friend rather than a rival... I'd come up with deep thinky thoughts here, but mostly I like them sparking off each other. Kimi's friendship with Sebastian is a bonus, as is Fernando's friendship with Mark - having Sebastian and Mark helping them get together (because they are stubborn idiots) would make me squeak like a small child with inhuman glee.

Rush (2013)
Niki Lauda, James Hunt

Hmmm, so the film versions of these two are very different from the RPF versions, so I'm focusing on the film relationship here - i.e. they didn't know each other, they weren't friends, they most certainly didn't live together. They were antagonists. And then we have the Nurburgring, and James's feelings on that. And Niki's recovery. And that recovery is NOT easy, it's not quick. And although in real life James didn't punch a reporter for insulting Niki, I like the film version where he does - where he feels possessive and protective over this person whom he doesn't think of as a friend but he's not an enemy, either. Again, I like the complicated relationship between these two, and I'd love to read something where James decides to mend some bridges, somehow, and has to fight Niki tooth and nail for every inch of friendship.

Thank you!




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Tags:

Auction ending in 15mins!

Last call for bids, the auctions will be closing in 15mins!

FANDOM AUCTION ENDING IN 15MINS!

 Just a quick note that the fandom auction is ending in 15mins, so please put in your last bids now! 



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Self pimp / fic offer

 Hi guys,

So, it's that time again. I've set up the fandom auction for the Balkan floods relief efforts and have added myself to the list of writers being auctioned off. If you would like a fic from me (in fact, I'm offering two - one on the DW auction and one on the LJ one), you can find me here (LJ) and here (DW)

Please do come & volunteer & bid and help to raise funds. We're looking for more writers, artists and crafts people and the more we have participating the more wonderful fannish content we can generate while fundraising.

This entry was originally posted at DreamWidth. There are comment count unavailable comments there. Comments are welcome at either journal.

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